How to Mummy: The Ultimate Egyptian Glowup

Hey, if you’re here for some tips on how to preserve your dead cat, then this ain’t the place for you. Hop along, buddy. Now, let’s talk about actual mummies (No, not your mummy).

The majority of people today associate mummies with gothic literature, scary movies, and mysterious religious rituals. However, mummification was a common and revered practice in the ancient world, one that was frequently carried out by trained experts and infused with profound religious meaning.

The word 'Mummy' comes from Persian/Arabic word 'Mummiya' meaning a dead person/animal

Mummification is the process of preserving the body after death by deliberately drying or embalming flesh. It’s like you’re a donut. You get glazed and put in a box. Forget about Korean Skincare, this is the real Egyptian Glowup

Do you remember those old movies about pyramids, mummies, scorpions (and Brendan Fraser)? Pop culture has made incredible use of Egyptian myths and it all starts with this guy (Dun, Dun Dun)

The name’s Osiris, he’s the Egyptian god of the deceased andddd... spoiler alert, he’s dead (Ironic, isn’t it).

Osiris, the god of afterlife

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, there was nothing and trust me, nothing but ash and chaos. In the floating mass of nothing, there was just swirling water (Nu) and a primordial hill called Ben-Ben (I know, so pookie). Atop the hill, rested the great god Atum. And for a very long time, it was just Atum and water. The guy’s bound to get lonely, so with sheer determination and a lot of magic he created Shu (god of air) and Tefnut (goddess of moisture).

Shu and Tefnut, set out to see the world, but their father grew tense and decided hey, lets nanny cam them. Atum took out his own eye (Hmm…gory) and sent it to search for his children. After some time, the children decided to visit dear old dad and when they returned, Atum was so happy that he shed tears of joy. These tears fell onto Ben-Ben and created humans (Hoo-ray!)

Now, Shu and Tefnut mated and the family expanded. Their kids, Geb and Nut also fell in love and mated (so incest runs in the family). Their actions were deemed unacceptable by Atum, who flung Nut high into the sky and away from Geb. However, Nut was already with child, yup. Multiple actually. Nut gave birth to Osiris, Isis, Set, Nephthys, and Horus – the five Egyptian gods most often recognized as the earliest or, at least, the most familiar representations of older god-figures.

The pride and joy of the family, Osiris was elected to lead the evolving world with his sister wife-Isis (Incest again). Osiris, along with Isis, managed the earth's administration and made decisions about tree growth and water flow. He created Egypt with the Nile River meeting people's needs, adhering to the ma'at (harmony) ideal. However, Osiris's creation and power made his brother Set jealous.

Isis was the goddess of life and magic. She was so popular at one point that she had her own cult of followers

Set cut Osiris into several pieces and threw them in different parts of the world so that he couldn’t be found, but wait for it…Isis comes to the rescue. Distraught after being separated from her husband, she set out to find him. Eventually, Isis was able to retrieve all the parts and arranged all the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle, held together with linen wrappings. And voila, there’s the first ever mummy.

Now, friends, before you decide that mummification is cool, you have to learn more about Egyptian Mythology. So come on, let’s learn how to mummy (wink wink).